Uh, Bebo sucks

A few months ago, a friend sent me an invitation to Bebo. Thrilled though I was, I didn't accept. I'm already on Facebook, and that's pointless enough for me. Bebo have now started spamming me up. By "spamming me up", I mean that they have sent me one e-mail. In some kind of odd e-mail newsletter thing. However, that's one e-mail too many for a guy like me! It is so rude that I decided not to get a bebo account, not that I was going to anyway.

Oh man! 1

Computers: Rubbish

I'm really sick and tired of sitting around waiting far too long for the computer to do something simple. Waiting for stuff to compile... waiting for the computer to start up... waiting for the computer to shut down... Oh man. It is so annoying. Analysing it mathematically, let x=the average length of time spent waiting for the computer to do something simple, y=the number of days in your life and z=the total time wasted. We can see that z is equal to approximately 10 million hours and that computers really suck.

The most annoying thing about it is that whenever the computer freezes up and starts being lame, I get distracted by something and end up wasting time doing something pointless. For example: writing a tedious blog post.

Oh man!

Wireless Networking: Rubbish

I've just wasted half a morning trying to work out why I couldn't my laptop to connect to our wireless network. The helpful dialog box that Windows shows you froze up, saying "aquiring network address". It took this to mean that it had connected and authenticated correctly but that there was some kind of DHCP problem. Oh no. In fact, the reason for this failure was that one of the 26 digits in the WEP key was wrong. Perhaps a more helpful message to display would have been "The WEP key is wrong". Cuss.

Wireless sucks. When it works, it's great, but when it goes wrong, I generally have no idea why and I have no idea how to find out. The Windows tools don't help; by hiding all the complexity behind a shallow facade of user friendliness, they give you almost no helpful information when things go wrong. The Linux command line tools are marginally better, providing you with all the information, even if I don't understand most of it.

Anyway: it works now. Having got that out of my system, I'd better do some work.

1

Tea!

I'm back in work, having been off for three weeks. I can't believe how much tea and coffee people round here drink. I am already on my third cup of coffee of the day. Oh man!f1

Opera Mini

I installed Opera Mini on my mobile the other day. It's much better than the built in Nokia browser. However, it still can't read certain websites for odd reasons that I don't understand. One such website it Blogger. Thus, I can't "blog on the bus". Oh man! I wouldn't mind so much but Blogger was one of the bookmarks that was there by default when the browser was installed. Silly thing. When I try to log on to Blogger, I get redirected around the houses a bit, before ending up at "page not found".

Curses!

I

Boo to stuff and things

Five minutes have passed and I am now in a much worse mood.

Oh man! What would Mark Hammil do?

Hoo-ray for stuff and things!

I can't work out why it is but I am in a much better mood than I was in yesterday. Yesterday, I was feeling fairly miserable for much of the day but I feel really good today. I wonder why that is.

Stupid DVLA

For the past year or two, it has been possible to renew your car's tax disc online. Not for me, it hasn't. Last year, I tried but the DVLA website was running glacially slowly and basically didn't work. This year, the website works but I can't use it to renew my tax disc because it claims that I have no insurance. This is despite the fact that I renewed my insurance literally weeks ago. Stupid DVLA. This is the 21^st century. Stuff like updating my insurance info on a computer is meant to be fast and automatic.

My theory is that the DVLA, like most of the rest of the public sector in this country, is staffed by wonderful hardworking people who are unfortunate enough to be led by idiots who manage to screw it up for everyone that they lead. The idiots probably get knighthoods at the end of it as well. This is why I don't ever want to work for the public sector.

What An Exciting Morning

This morning was very exciting due to the following things:

1. Townhill Way was completely closed, forcing us to take a massive detour on the way into work. Jon wasn't pleased because it made him late for his course. Oh man!
2. I lost my id badge. Luckily someone found it and I got it back again. Phil told me that I should blog about it so here you go: Blog Me Do!

It's nearly time for lunch. I'm going to eat some kind of weird pasta thing that I bought from Tesco's. Hoo-ray!

Official: I Rule

Here is the final proof that I rule more than anyone except for Steve Collins:

#	Team	Manager	Gameweek	Total
1	ZZ's Ballon de Plomb	Steve Collins	56	1930
2	Soccer Explosion!	Chris Jenkins	49	1886
3	BerbatovMagic	Ben Thompson	41	1769
4	DogsDooDaa	Mick Lickman	39	1695
5	Wudzz Wanderers	Richard Woods	62	1693
6	Munchkins 0607	Martin Cartwright	34	1691
7	Rabid Rangers	Tom Evans	32	1680
8	MarknMatthew	Matthew Stockwell	46	1677
9	Die Warnock Die!!!	Kieran Scott	64	1658
10	Why use a round ball	Stephen Hurst	43	1636
11	PUP	Tim Evans	39	1615
12	Dark Horses	Matt Sunley	31	1609
13	Laws the Rock	jim Matthews	40	1603
14	Badger Badger Badger	Dave Draper	28	1561
15	The one eyed champs	Jon Roberts	28	1560
16	Dixie's Diamonds	Ed Johnson	20	1484
17	Music With Jeff	Jordan Humber	23	1421
18	Jedly's Chums	JEd Green	28	1357

Oh dear oh dear

In other news, Kie got his wish and Sheffield United were relegated. Neil Warnock looked really really pissed off and I'm sure that makes Kie happier than you can possibly imagine. I can't help feeling a bit sorry for them, though. West Ham can be accurately described as "jammy gets".

Oh, The Excitement!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I bet you're thinking: "wow, what an exciting end to the football season". Of course you are. I finished second in our fantasy football league! Here's the almost-final league table:

#	Team	Manager	Gameweek	Total
1	ZZ's Ballon de Plomb	Steve Collins	0	1874
2	Soccer Explosion!	Chris Jenkins	0	1837
3	BerbatovMagic	Ben Thompson	0	1728
4	Munchkins 0607	Martin Cartwright	0	1657
5	DogsDooDaa	Mick Lickman	0	1656
6	Rabid Rangers	Tom Evans	0	1648
7	MarknMatthew	Matthew Stockwell	0	1631
8	Wudzz Wanderers	Richard Woods	0	1631
9	Die Warnock Die!!!	Kieran Scott	0	1594
10	Why use a round ball	Stephen Hurst	0	1593
11	Dark Horses	Matt Sunley	0	1578
12	PUP	Tim Evans	0	1576
13	Laws the Rock	jim Matthews	0	1563
14	Badger Badger Badger	Dave Draper	0	1533
15	The one eyed champs	Jon Roberts	0	1532
16	Dixie's Diamonds	Ed Johnson	0	1464
17	Music With Jeff	Jordan Humber	0	1398
18	Jedly's Chums	JEd Green	0	1329

Admittedly, today's scores have yet to be added but, suffice to say, no one managed to get the hundred or more points that they would need in order to overhaul me. This means that I finished ahead of the following people:

• Tom
• Martin
• Kie
• Jon
• Jed

Man, I can't believe how much I rule. I am the (second) best!

Bo Selecta

Phew. It passed. I can breath a sign of relief.

Oh Man! The Suspense Is Killing Me!

I hope my car passes its MOT. Last year, it failed due to having a nail in one of the tyres. I wonder what I have stupidly failed to spot this year:

• Two wheels have fallen off.
• It turns out that having orange juice stains all over the back seat isn't legal.
• Colony of rare bats found under the bonnet.

Any of the above would literally "cuss" me right "off".

Good crikey, this sucks!

I have changed the language settings to "English-UK" and it's still banging on about vacations and falls and the like. Rubbish!

Scooters, Vacation, Fall

At the bottom of the window that I'm typing this into, it says "Labels for this post: eg. scooters, vacation, fall". Are they deliberately trying to use the most American-specific words in order to alienate users in the UK?

The labels for this post are: mopeds, holiday, autumn.

What A Personal Disaster!

This morning, on the way in to work, something incredibly bizarre happened. I was minding my own business driving down Allington Lane when I heard a colossal bang in the car behind me. Looking round, all I could see was the some kind of foul smelling orange fluid had been released into the back of the car. I swerved to the side of the road and jumped out of the car. It was at this point that I discovered the horrible truth: a bottle of orange juice had exploded all over the back seat. I have no idea how it happened. Indeed, I didn't even know that it was possible for a two-day old bottle of orange juice to explode like that. I am now looking forward to the task of cleaning a litre of orange juice off my back seat.

This is literally the worst thing that has happened to me all day.

Jeff Rules!

Wow! I just realised that Jeff has a link to my tedious blog on his website. That's pretty sweet. Check it out here. If you do visit then be sure to vote "pretty cool" a few times. Nice!

The Wildhearts

We went to see The Wildhearts the other night. Very good they were too, although I would say that, what with them being my favourite band and all. Here is a link to a picture in Phil's blog.

I was going to put a picture in here to see if I can but none of my pictures came out very well the other night. I was going to take a picture of my foot, about half of which has now turned black and blue, but I thought better of it.

Smashing weather we're having, isn't it!

Oh man, the pressure!

Phil just told me that he has this blog in his RSS reader ... oh man, I never expected to have an audience. I might just delete everything and hide under the table for a bit.

Hey Phil, you should write something in your blog (to which I have subscribed) too!

Ha, psyche, my foot isn't broken at all, thank crikey. After preparing myself for the worse, I spent what turned out to be a reasonably pleasant hour in A&E getting it X-rayed and it turns out to just be badly bruised. I take back everything I said about the NHS being rubbish.

The NHS doesn't seem to be functioning very efficiently

On Tuesday I injured my foot. On Wednesday, I went to see my GP and he referred me to get it X-rayed since there is a chance that I've broken something. It's now Thursday and I have spent all day phoning the radiology department at the Royal Hants Hospital to see if they have received the fax from my GP's surgery, only to be told each time that it had not yet arrived. Eventually, they called me back and explained that actually they had it all along; it had just been put into the wrong pile. Fantastic, I thought. Now I can get an appointment. Oh no: that particular department are refusing to X-ray me because my injury was sustained within the last seven days and they don't deal with injuries that recent. I'm told that I must go to A&E instead. Given that it's now 4:30 pm and I don't want to be sitting in a waiting room in A&E all evening while more urgent cases are dealt with, I've decided to go in tomorrow.

Now, I'm by no means an urgent case and there's no reason why I ought to be going to A&E, the name of which suggests that it should be for people who have had Accidents and forEmergencies. The last time I stepped foot in an A&E department was with my grandad who had just been rushed there in the back of an ambulance after he collapsed at home. The time before that was to see my Dad who had just been pronounced dead. The thought of a moron like me clogging the place up because he has a slightly sore foot pisses me right off.

The trouble is that my doctor said that I should get my foot X-rayed just in case so that's what I'm going to do. I hope that sitting in a waiting room all tomorrow morning is even more fun than ranting about stuff on the internet.

Blog Me Do!

So what's this all about, then? Why am I bothering to write this silly blog thing? It has always struck me that a blog would be the perfect medium to wax lyrical about any tedious ideas that crossed my head. Having done that, I would then be completely ignored by everyone in the world and it wouldn't matter too much because that would my blog just like 99.9% of all other blogs out there. Hoo-ray!

Of course, there are a few people who are able to string a few interesting sentences together in a way that makes me want to read them. There's Mr Biffo's amusing musings. There's the intelligent philosophical musings of Paul Graham's essays. I'm pretty sure that a few other people in the world are similarly endowed with a mastery of prose and have interesting things to say but I can't be bothered to find them. It doesn't matter. This blog isn't going to be like that. I have a poor command of the English language and little of interest to talk about. Never mind.

So the purpose of these scribblings is as follows: I intend to write rubbish here for a while and see if I get better at doing it. Hopefully I will one day become slightly less inept at churning out rambling prose like this and will feel somehow satisfied by that fact. We'll see.

The stupidest injury. Ever.

Yesterday, I dropped a 6kg dumbbell on my foot. It didn't hurt much at the time but a few hours later my foot had swelled up like a football and it hurt like mad. Today, the doctor prodded the injury for a few minutes and was sufficiently concerned by my girlie squeals as to suggest that I may have have fractured my 2nd or 3rd metatarsal. I await tomorrow's X-ray with trepidation.

I can't help but think that some kind of evil force is determined to make sure that I never get any good at football by causing me to injure myself in all kinds of stupid ways so that I never get to play. Luckily, like all the best sportsmen, I am "staying strong mentally". Thank crikey for that!

The sickest April Fool's joke ever

Trying to buy Glastonbury tickets is like trying to persuade Ian Paisley to dress up as Gareth Gates and perform on Stars In Their Eyes. Although it might seem like a good idea, it is unlikely to happen. Three of us have been sat at our respective computers, clicking refresh with one hand and dialling the phone line with the other for the past half hour. We have nothing to show for it.

I think that this is a "hilarious" April Fool's joke by Michael Eavis. I don't think that Glastonbury tickets are on sale at all. They are having a laugh at our expense. Oh man!

Jeff is completely wrong about this one

Jeff said that my blog is more even more pointless than his website. I disagree. Here is a link to Jeff's website: http://www.jjefferies.alivewww.co.uk/. It's up to decide which is the most pointless. I present the facts and you decide.

Bye now!